Sometimes it's pretzels and beer...

The first snowfall of the year in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. What could be more picturesque? Images of the Hammersteins and the Harts cavorting with Wolcott and Benchley; Dorothy Parker spitting velvet barbs at the other snow-dusted guests while everyone throws back hot spiced cider. Yes, it all sounds delightful, doesn’t it?

Unless you’re doing a show there and the roads ice up and everybody decides it’s probably more prudent to stay home rather than risk a fender-bender.

That, folks, was my story this past Saturday when I did the show at Halsteds Cabaret in New Hope. Here I was, a formerly world-famous porn star squeezing the accordion through an hour and a quarter of songs and patter for about 20 intrepid souls nursing their after-dinner cocktails.

It was a lot more Susan Alexander Kane than Gertrude Lawrence.

But y’know what? It was kinda fun! The 20 souls that did make it to the show were appreciative and friendly. It was probably the first time that I know for a fact I got to speak to each and every audience member afterwards.

(Oh, and I was the recipient of a unique compliment: one fellow thanked me for helping him earlier that afternoon when he masturbated to one of my movies “because I’m trying to get a lesbian friend of mine pregnant.” Now, I ask you—who reading this blog has ever been told that? I venture a guess the answer is none of you! Hah!)

My experience doing the show that night was a strange combination of being very self-conscious in front of such a small group while simultaneously feeling very relaxed because it was so very informal on account of the circumstances. I was able to try a few different things performance-wise and comfortably worked a few re-written passages into the script for the first time.

The room at Harlans is lovely, elegant and sophisticated, the staff friendly and helpful and the room in the attached hotel was comfortable and spacious. And what’s more, Johnathan came along and so it was our first weekend getaway together.

It could have been a real disappointment, but you know… lemons/lemonade/blah blah blah. Only one thing and the weekend will be rendered perfect: I hope the Lesbian Friend names the kid “Gus.”

Right In My Own Back Yard

Well, let’s see. What’s up with Canned Ham these days?

Last Saturday, on my 49^th birthday, I gave a performance of the show here in Catskill, NY, where I live. It was charming. The gals from MOD Café who sponsored the event set up chairs (borrowed from the local Catholic school) in an empty storefront next to their place and made a theater space where none had existed before. It was intimate: 45 seats total. We had to turn people away at the door. I had been prepared to play to a crowd of about 10 so that was a most welcome surprise. At the last minute an additional row of seats was crammed in at the front of the room so my playing space was almost nil. It really resembled the lecture version of the show more than the fully-staged production Kevin and I have been working on these past couple of months. But, it went over really well and was an interesting experience for me. Especially because the lights were up for the entire show. When one is on stage (even when addressing the audience directly, as I do in Canned Ham) one can pretty much pretend there’s no one “out there”, but with the lights up, they were most definitely there.

Since My Production Team (Kevin and Robbi) did not come up for the show, Johnathan (my new boyfriend… can I just start using his name and assume ya’ll know who I’m talking about?) was following along with the script. On his Kindle. Which crashed halfway through the show. Fortunately I did not have to call out for a line.

Anyway, it really did get a great reception and Mary and Dana have asked me back to do an encore of the show in January. More about that as specifics are decided on.

In other news, we just finalized our run of the show in San Francisco. I’ll be doing three weeks in August at the New Conservatory Theater Center. This is the booking I’ve been looking forward to the most. S.F. is a second home to me and I have as many friends there as here in New York, so it will be fun fun fun.

Lots of other developments are in, um, development, but nothing definite enough to mention at this point. 2010 is slowly coming into focus and it’s looking pretty good. As mentioned previously, it’s not going to be how I originally envisioned the show and tour happening, but the don’t call me Tom “Roll-With-the-Punches” Judson for nothin’!

Here is the flier for the next performance at Harlan's Cabaret, December 5^th in New Hope, PA. See you there!

News From The Front

OK, dude, so what’s up with the tour/show/NY production/column/t-shirt thing?

Good question(s) and I’m happy to answer them here.

First of all, as I wrote in the previous entry, the scope of the entire project really has changed since the two performances in NYC in September. The (positive) reaction to the show really made it clear that the theatrical tour had to be re-thought and in some ways totally reconceived in terms of the travel and booking arrangements.

In other words, please ignore the last eight months of blog entries. (I’m here all week, folks!) But we really are re-thinking how we’re going to go about getting the show on the road. And in terms of the show itself, it’s still being tinkered with. I think it’s really close to being “set” but every performance provides us with new information about how the show plays and what—if any—changes still need to be made. It keeps it exciting, anyway.

The fundraiser we did through kickstarter.com was 110% successful. (And thank you thank you to all who contributed. You’ll be getting a personal thanks from me very soon.) But the venue we were hoping for didn’t work out and it’s the end of the year and theaters are booked and then it’s January and nobody goes to the theater in January and, well, you get the idea. Again, a re-thinking of the plans for a NYC run.

So, just what is happening with it? Glad you asked. We’re booking single performances here and there with the next one being this Saturday (the 14^th) right here in Catskill, NY, where I live. A wonderful couple who own a restaurant called MOD Café on Main Street are taking over the empty storefront next door for the night and turning it into a theater. And yes, it’s also my 49^th birthday that day so you’ll actually get to see me age before your very eyes if you come to the show.

There’s another gig in New Hope, PA on Dec. 5^th at a place called aHalHarlanHhhhhhHarlan’s Cabaret. I like New Hope. I haven’t been there in years, though. In fact, the last time I was in New Hope was to see a play directed by none other then Kevin Malony who directed Canned Ham.

But the big news is that we’ve booked the first three weeks of May (from April 30^th, actually) at a venue in Los Angeles called The Cavern Club Theater. It’s in Silverlake. I was steered in that direction by Ann Magnuson and it looks like it should be a terrific gig. Much more about that in the months to come, of course. I’d love to work my way up the coast after L.A. all the way to Vancouver, if they’ll have me. Then something back here on the East Coast in the summer. You see? Things are kind of falling into place but the details have to be worked out.

Perhaps the biggest change to the whole plan is that I may end up not traveling around the country in the camper. I know, I know… that was the whole impetus for this project. Well, if we end up having a bunch of gigs on the east Coast through the spring, I ain’t hauling the Canned Ham clear across the country just to park it in front of a theater in Silverlake as a sight gag.

But we’ll just have to see…

The Advocate.com column has been temporarily suspended by Yours Truly. It was about the trip and not about the show, so it was going to be quite a challenge to write it from home every month. (Not to mention apparently nobody knows if The Advocate is even going to exist in the same form much longer. I wonder if I’ll ever see that checkie-poo?)

So just where does that leave us in terms of continuity? Exactly here: you can still order Canned Ham t-shirts. Just in time for the holidays, too.

Stay tuned!

Vassar, Girl!

Where to begin?

The long lapse between entries here is due entirely to Wednesday and Thursday of last week: i.e. the two performances of Canned Ham at Dixon Place in New York. They were—I’ll try to say this without seeming a wee bit immodest—a total friggin’ wackadoodle success on every level. (How’d I do on the modesty scale?) Yes, there were some things in the show that didn’t work, yes, my performance needs some oiling, and yes, a few minor revisions are needed before calling the script “done.” But that said, I was extremely pleased with the results.

Both performances were sold out. Both audiences seemed to truly enjoy the show. Friends popped up from—in some cases—decades past. Some new friends—you know who you are—paid me the compliment of just showing up. Dixon Place wants us back if/when possible.

And, honestly, how many people get to talk about being a prostitute in front of an audience of 100+ people including one’s own parents. Now, that’s entertainment!

OK, about this tour…

You may recall (actually, you don’t have to, here’s the entry) my original plan for this adventure was to do a sort of glorified standup routine with me and the accordion; tell a few on-set stories, sing a few bawdy songs and call it a night. I figured I’d be out on the road in the camper, call up the gay bar in the next town and book myself a gig. Well, thanks to those three days I spent up in Cottage in the Sky on Saba (did I mention I wrote the first draft of the script in three days?) Canned Ham turned out to be an actual play and not simply an excuse to ask for free drink tickets at the bar. And that means…

The booking requirements for the show have grown more complex. Not only does the itinerary have to fit into the calendar (can’t very well play Chicago and Milwaukee on the same day, can I?) it also has to fit onto the map (can’t very well play Tulsa one day and Tallahassee the next, since I’m driving.) If I were bar-hopping, this tour could be done on the fly, but the little theaters we’re now looking at generally work out their calendars pretty far in advance.

In other words, in some respects I’ve shot myself in the foot by making the play more substantial than originally intended. Therefore, the actual on-the-road, won’t-be-back-for-a-year, where’s-the-next-Walmart-parking-lot leg of this adventure may begin a little later than anticipated. That and the fact that everyone involved thinks it would be pretty nifty to follow up the Dixon Place gig with a brief in-town run in NYC.

But, that doesn’t mean that Canned Ham (and The Canned Ham) won’t be hitting the road in the immediate future. We’re lining up gigs within overnight distance as I write! And the next one is going to be October 16^th in Poughkeepsie, NY! Woo-hoo! Two swell fellas, who run a wonderful blog called Big Gay Hudson Valley have lined up a really terrific venue on (near?) the Vassar Campus, the Cunneen Hackett Arts Center, for one night of Ham bliss. It will be the first traditional(ish) theater space I’ve played this show in, and it looks really fun. Who knows, the Canned Ham itself might show up for the event!

Stephan, one of the P’keepsie impresarios (impresaria?) shot this photo of me at the first performance a few weeks ago in Hudson. I’m diggin’ it!

A Tour de Force...

…of memorization, anyway.

It sounds convenient after the fact to say that my goal for the first performance of Canned Ham was little more than seeing if I could make it through the 48-page script without any train wrecks. But that was indeed my goal. And, I’m happy to say, it was accomplished. Yes, there were a couple of moments as I approached the end of a section when I had absolutely no idea what was coming next. But, fortunately, the script and the staging have evolved to the point where one thing generally leads naturally to the next. “Naturally” being a relative term in the non-linear world of this script.

Trixie Starr really pulled out the stops and there was a full house at Jason’s Upstairs. About 100 people, I believe.

Honestly, I can’t really say how it went (for me, that is; the audience response was very enthusiastic.) I was completely lost in trying to remember the words and trying to project (the stage at Jason’s Upstairs positively eats sound. I virtually screamed the entire performance. Buh-bye to any vocal nuances I had hoped to incorporate) so I was glad to have director Kevin Malony scribbling away furiously during the show.

We learned much that night and have incorporated a lot of new material/changes into the script. In fact, the changes in the script base on Thursday qualify calling what we now have a new draft (4 for those who are keeping track) rather than simply a revision.

And now we have 10 days to work on those changes and rehearse and rehearse and rehearse. Which is why I must wrap this up so I can head into town to meet with Kevin later this afternoon.

Totally random: I was Googling myself the other day (as one does) and it seems that my Advocate.com column was picked up by a website featuring news about the actor Joel McCrae because I compared the Canned Ham to the “Land Yacht” in Sullivan’s Travels.

That tickled me.

Hold That!

Do I really need to say it again: having friends who also happen to be great photographers is a wonderful thing. One finds it so convenient to be able to pick up the phone and arrange a photo shoot with an artist one can count on for superb images. Don’t you think? Well, with “The Project Known As Ham” I’m running through these folks like water. Beth Schneck was the first, back in late-spring. Her candy-colored images captured the essence of what I think touring the show will be like for me personally. I’m anticipating having Kyle Ericksen do a portfolio of the interior of the camper itself. Kyle was the official Acme Housing photographer and, since I like to think of Canned Ham as Acme’s final project, it’s only fitting Kyle should be the gal to shoot it.

But just yesterday the Ham and I got to stand in front of the lens of not one, but two fantastic shutterbugs. And, what’s more—simultaneously!

I have some magazine stories (about me, not by me) coming out in the next couple of weeks and I thought it would be good to have some fresh photos to accompany them, so I called on my pals Hudson Wright and Mr. Pam. I know them both from my Gus Mattox days (more proof, if any was needed, that terrific and terrifically talented people of all stripes have been involved in that business from the get-go) and they generously offered to schlep upstate and work their magic on me. One of the (three, if you can believe it) local drive-in movie theaters very graciously offered us their location and both Hudson’s and Pam’s pictures came out spectacularly.

Hudson shot the bulk of the images, while Pam shot some behind-the-scenes stuff and provided on-set entertainment.

Obviously I’m not going to publish here the images I chose to send to the magazines, but I’m happy to post a few corollary shots to give you an idea of what we all accomplished.

So, what we’ve got here is:

1) The drive-in sign. (by Mr. Pam)

2) Pam blotting “the talent.” (by Hudson Wright)

3) Hudson and me on the set. (by Mr. Pam)

4) The image we determined, based on the corresponding time stamps, that Hudson was shooting at that moment. (by Hudson Wright)

5) The luscious Mr. Pam. (by Hudson Wright)

6) Hudson doing… something. (by Mr. Pam)

Much more to come…

Oh, and incidentally (“incidentally,” hah!) rehearsals are going great. Thursday night at Jason's Upstairs on Warren Street in Hudson (8 PM) might be a wee bit rough around the edges, but my director Kevin Malony and I are having a ball with this thing.

My new Canned Ham column on Advocate.com

Canned Ham September 23/24 at Dixon Place in NYC.

Tickets available here.

Canned Ham t-shirts available here.

La Publicité!

My friend Wicky wrote this oh-so-flattering article about me for the current Gay City News. Remind me to send her a check.