Thursday, July 30, 2009

Jackin' the Ham

…and if that’s not a first-class euphemism, I don’t know what is.

I went by my mechanic’s yesterday to see what progress has made on the camper. It’s inside the shop, at least, which is definitely a step up from when I returned home. He’s actually gotten a lot done in just a few days. The coupler and v-shaped thingy on the tongue have been replaced, along with the front-end jack. Wayne is working on securing the pull-out step and the wheels are off so he can rebuild the brakes. Did you know a camper has its own brakes? I didn’t. But now that I know it, I like it. I’m hoping to make a test run to my friends Cass’s house in Vermont the week after next. My mechanic promised me it will be ready by then.

We’ll see…

On the show front, we’ve added a couple of folks to the production team. Mr. Dan Knechtges will be choreographing the show. If he can teach non-roller skating actors to look great in “Xanadu”, and can make adults look like kids dancing in “Putnam County Spelling Bee” he should be able to something with this lummox and his accordion. I’m lucky to have him, fer sure.

And there is an up-and-coming young fellow who’s offered to do a costume for me… what was his name… where’s that piece of paper… Oh, here it is: let’s see, someone called William Ivey Long will be consulting on the wardrobe. Frankly, a jockstrap and a pair of Converse hightops should do it, but I say let’s give the kid a chance. (You all know I’m kidding, right? I’m still pinching myself that William even agreed to take my call, much less work with me on this project. He truly is one of the most generous of humans.)

Other than that, the script tinkering is pretty much done until Kevin and I start rehearsing it in September. So I printed out a hard copy and am gearing up for the gargantuan memorization job. All 43 pages of it. Gulp.

I will be revisiting my past on September 9th when I’m the guest something-or-other at Will Clark’s Porno Bingo at Pieces on Christopher Street. Will was kind enough to ask me to join him even though I’m not really a porn star anymore. I called out numbers at one of his bingo nights a few years ago and, golly, but it was fun! I sat right by the door and announced people as they came in. “(The Duke and Duchess of Windsor, ladies and gentlemen.” “Please give a warm welcome to Miss Nanette Fabray!” Newcomers were generally confused.) More will be forthcoming when there’s more to come forth.

Until then, revel in the beauty that is the Canned Ham on blocks.


  1. 2 sets of brakes? Will you be having the same nightmare Desi had in The Long, Long, Trailer? I also thought of this film when Irwin said that he wanted to go for a ride in the ham. Remember Lucy trying to fix dinner?

  2. Ohhhh, the Canned Ham looks so sad and alone in that big garage!

  3. If memory serves me correctly, you did more than just call numbers the last time you did the Bingo. Any chance that'll happen again?

  4. Jackin The Ham...didn't you do a film by that name? Or will when this is all done...


    I look forward to seeing you when (if?) you come to Chicago.

  5. Okay. I read the title to this entry on my Google reader (where it is fed), and I immediately burst out laughing...

    I said to myself: Tom Judson, playing with his words again...

    Thanks for the laughs, Tom. Yet another great post...

    Scott, AKA, the Count of Belfast

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  7. "Poor Canned Ham"? I can think of worse things than spending several months with Tom in me every night...

  8. OK, I don't even care if my parents read this: Tavdy's comment is pretty damned funny!